WOMEN WHO SMOKE ARE WHORES

While the title “Women Who Smoke are Whores” might seem like reckless generality… Oh wait, it is a reckless generality, but it’s also an indisputable Viking fact! Let me ask you a question: have you ever met a virgin who smokes? That is of course a rhetorical question, because you haven’t. She probably wanted you to think that you were her first, but in reality she was probably a well-used penis receptacle.

There are several reasons for this widely seen but seldom vocalized phenomenon. The first reason that women who smoke are always whores is because they have not a habit of, but an addictive compulsion of shoving long cylindrical objects in their bodily orifices. They do this perhaps for many reasons, the chief among them being pure temporary pleasure (in your case, VERY temporary). This habit of inserting cylindrical objects in their bodies typically begins at the age of 14 or so when they are subjected to the undeniable “coolness” of senior guys in high school as they enter their freshman year. Not surprisingly, most high school boys do little to discourage such compulsions. The older guys tell them that the cool chicks fuck and smoke and they simply do not know what else to do. Most of them are stupid or naive at the very least. No doubt convinced by our demonic media that it is okay to fuck and smoke… and therefore they do it since they are not Vikings and can be easily convinced of almost anything. MTV crams this shit down their throat and they TAKE IT literally and figuratively.

The second reason for this behavior is the lack of self-esteem that plagues today's modern female. Women cannot be Vikings and there is a reason for this, they lack the general ability to tell the world to "fuck off" and do things their own way. They read those shitty celebrity-worshipping magazines, watch brain-numbing reality shows, and see images of women in all sorts of degrading and unenviable positions (porn, for instance) in media and entertainment. You see, testosterone gives a man the often-unused ability (especially for you!) to do and say whatever the fuck he wants to. Women do not have enough of this all-mighty hormone to counteract their evil hormone, ESTROGEN. Estrogen is what makes women weak, indecisive and much too willing to please others. Women today always think that they are not good enough because they are comparing themselves to women who are airbrushed, tanorexic (term to be defined in later article - root words "tanning and anorexia") and augmented with toxic muscle paralyzing substances. It is much like you men who want to compare your puny penises with true Vikings, you just don't measure up and therefore you resort to penis pumps, pills and the like. This gives women the idea that to make it they must do things that make them acceptable, and what is more acceptable to a young man than a chick who fucks without any need for commitment or relationship?

The third reason that women who smoke are invariably dirty whores is a general disrespect for their body and health. It’s not that sex is an unhealthy act; in fact, it’s probably the opposite. But it’s not a stretch to say that letting a bunch of strangers plug you at will is an unhealthy habit. Which comes first, the smoking, or the random fucking? It’s like the chicken and the egg, we may never know. What we do know is that fucking everyone on the block and smoking are both really bad for you physically and mentally. The simple fact is that women who smoke are way more likely to fuck, and I suspect the inverse to be true as well. Women who like to fuck are probably much more likely to pick up a cigarette. My advice to you: keep the dumb bitch you are fucking away from the cigarettes… you don’t want the whore smelling any worse than she already does.

You see, women who smoke are cock-devouring whores, it is plain and simple. Just remember that when you find your 13-year-old sister/daughter's cigarettes. She is getting dicked down by a man who is probably five years her senior. I hope that this public service announcement can help those who find themselves in that quandary. And you guys out there, if a chick smokes, go talk to her immediately, and in minutes you will be shoving your cigar in her without any objections. Happy Hunting!!!

-arthur@arthurshall.com