MASTODON ROCKS!

I remember a day, not so long ago, when heavy metal wasn’t about how your parents treated you as a child, or how your girlfriend makes you feel when she mentally abuses you. I remember a day before the punk aesthetic had permeated the metal scene, when people cared about musical chops and epic songwriting. As I’m sure most of you know, music hit it’s historical apex in 1987 when Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” and Guns n’ Roses’ “Appetite for Destruction” were released within months of each other. It’s been pretty much downhill since with nobody surpassing or even matching Metallica’s songwriting ability, or Guns n’ Roses God-given ability to just fucking rock. Metal used to be about bad ass shit, hating religion, drugs, chest-thumping, and war. How long has it been since you’ve heard a metal song about a mythological beast destroying a medieval town? Too damn long if you ask me!So here it is folks, things are looking up because…

MASTODON FUCKING ROCKS!!!

Mastodon, a little band from Atlanta have officially “brought the fucking rock” with their latest album “Leviathan”. These guys are pissed, they can play, and they sing about real metal shit! In fact, they take it way farther than most classic metal bands. “Leviathan” is a concept album. The album for the most part tells the story of “Moby Dick”, and the album artwork hammers it home with one big white whale gracing the cover. The songs on the album that do not center around Herman Melville's novel tend to be about things like huge pre-histoic animals ("Megalodon", "Iron Tusk"), or Norse Myth ("Iceland"). No complaints there! Let’s see, war, violence, a pissed ass sailor with one leg irrationally bent on fucking up a big white sperm whale… that works for me as a Metal theme. That's fucking manly!

In an effort to prove to you the reader just how "metal" Mastodon really is, I’m going to do a little lyrical compare and contrast here. Both songs have nautical themes, but I think this will serve as an example of how bad-ass Mastodon is.

REO SPEEDWAGON	MASTODON
Song: "Can't Fight This Feeling" And I can't fight this feeling anymore I've forgotten what I started fighting for It's time to bring this ship into the shore And throw away the oars, forever	Song: "Blood and Thunder" Split your lungs with blood and thunder When you see the white whale Break your backs and crack your oars men If you wish to prevail

HOLY SHIT! MASTODON SO TOTALLY KICKS
THE SHIT OUT OF REO SPEEDWAGON!

Now to be a bit more serious. “Leviathan” sounds absolutely huge. It starts off with a few shorter but very heavy songs like “Blood and Thunder”, “I am Ahab”, and “Seabeast”. How cool are these song titles? Then they hit you with “Iron Tusk” which has some of the coolest riffing I’ve ever heard outside 1980’s Metallica. Later in the album Mastodon starts playing longer and more complex music. Naked Burn might be melodic enough to get radio play if Clear Channel and Viacom didn’t own whole radio industry and fuck over smaller record labels like Relapse. Mastodon ends the album with the fourteen-minute “Hearts Alive” and the instrumental “Joseph Merrick” which totally reek of epicness.

Now to restate my thesis here… Mastodon fucking rocks! They are heavy, pissed off, talented, they sing about the sort of shit that metal should be about and… they didn’t come out in the 1980’s. Strangely, Mastodon may owe as much to progressive rock (god I hate that term) bands as they do to Metallica or Sabbath. Seriously, the term “progressive” only implies that bands think they are more talented or “experimental” than other bands. A sure sign of rock-snobbery. Have you ever met someone who claimed that their favorite genre was “progressive rock” who wasn’t a total fucking douche? I don't think so. Back to my point… Leviathan is a concept album, and there are tracks that could be considered experimental, but don’t be expecting Dream Theatre here folks. Mastodon is fucking pissed, and they are the best thing in metal today.

-ArthursHallShat@gmail.com