THE 10 MANLIEST MEN OF MODERN TIMES
#10 Bobby Knight
Bobby Knight is the first selection in our list "Manliest Men in Modern History". If you know who Knight is, then know why he is on our list of manly Viking warriors. If you don't know who Bobby Knight is, read on and you will learn why.
Bobby Knight has been a college basketball coach for 40 years, and no, he did not get there by kissing ass... but by kicking ass, taking names and talking shit the entire time. He has won three NCAA basketball championships and is poised to become the all-time leader in Division 1 wins. This is not the sole reason he is on the list, there are many successful people that are not worthy of entry to my list. His "fuck you" attitude and actions, along with success, have landed him here.
Knight is best known for his chair throwing incident in 1985, where a bad call sent him into an uncontrollable rage that could only be satisfied by throwing chairs on the court, and telling the refs to "Fuck Off", and refusing to leave the court. This type of physical reaction to being wronged is the correct response, taking it in the ass is something that weaklings do, real men i.e. Vikings get violent. Most of his career was spent at Indiana University but he was fired after repeated incidents of abusing players, both physically and mentally. He once head-butted a player on the bench and tried to choke another player after he was rude to him. Knight’s son played for him at IU and Bobby Knight proceeded to break his nose in another rage brought on by undisciplined basketball.
Knight threw vases at secretaries and broke another son's shoulder during a hunting trip. This man is out of control, just the way we should be. Not worrying about what others think or do is the ultimate act of manliness. There is not enough room on our server to tell all the great, manly stories of this guy, but we have to include one more (keep reading, I know your ADHD having ass can do it). In 1981, he put a box of Tampax in a players locker, and in the same season he said the following to a black player on his team about another black player "If you don't shape him up, I will send the white guys to do it. You guys show no leadership, you don't show any incentive since you guys get all the welfare"!! While the blatant racism is not applauded, his lack of respect for societal standards is.
Knight has punched police officers in Puerto Rico and at a practice he uttered these famous words about things not going your way "If you know rape is inevitable, I say relax and enjoy it", holy shit that is manly!!!! Bobby Knight's best quote in my opinion (which means it IS) is one that I have adopted for the inevitable criticism of this site "When my time on earth is over, and my mission is complete, I want them to bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass", well said Bobby. Fuck yeah!!!
#9 Kerry King
The next stud on my list of manly men is Kerry King. You may ask "Who the fuck is Kerry King"? Well, keep reading and I will tell you. Kerry King is the lead guitarist for Slayer, the most ass-kicking manly band in the world. If you are thinking to yourself "How about Slipknot or Korn?" you are a nu-metal pussy (go listen to Linkin Park and stop reading my fucking site). All this talk about manliness may give you a yeast infection or something.
Slayer's reign as the best band in the world (my opinion, which is fact of course) began with "Show No Mercy" in 1983 and has continued through their latest album "God Hates Us All" which was actually released on Sept 11, 2001. As you may have guessed, this shit is not for pussies, women, or anyone but real men. Kerry King writes most of the terrific lyrics for Slayer and to fully grasp the power of this man, the shit that he writes must be examined. First of all, look at the fucking beast, tattoos everywhere, shaved head, pissed goatee, he is not there to impress little 16 year-old chicks and be interviewed by some brainless faggot (sorry, homosexual lover of men) on MTV, he lives to wail and rock hard.
Let it be known that King has no respect for organized religion and he lets the world know with "The holy cross, symbol of lies/intimidate the lives of the Christian born/Blackened magic infest with lust/Lucifer reigns supreme". Wow, lines like these show no respect for society's standard of decency. That terrific lyrical masterpiece is from "Haunting the Chapel". One of his best efforts was the legendary song "Angel of Death" which chronicles the life of the Nazi madman Dr. Josef Mengele. The opening stanza is the following "Auschwitz, the meaning of pain/The way that I want you to die/Slow death, immense decay, showers that cleanse you of your life/Forced in like cattle you are, stripped of your life's worth/Human mice for the Angel of Death/FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND MORE TO DIE/Angel of Death, monarch to the kingdom of dead/Sadistic, surgeon of demise/Sadist of the noblest blood, destroying without mercy, to benefit the Aryan Race". Holy Shit that is amazing, any band that has the balls to write something that fucked up is truly great. The guy and his band cannot be stopped and, needless to say, they are not played on the rock radio circuit and guess what, they don't fucking care!! That’s manly as hell.
As you know, not caring about anything but being a man is the epitome of masculinity. You see, ass-kissing bands are only into taking your money and getting their brainless, gutless, and passionless music on the air. Slayer only cares about being pissed and killing… manly traits for sure. If that was not good enough for you, I have one more example of the passion of Kerry King. The album God Hates Us All may be Slayer's best because it is the most pissed album in history. The song "New Faith" is a classic love song once again. I could put the entire song in but these are the best lines "I won't be forced-fed prophesies from a book of untruths for the weakest mind" and "I keep my Bible in a pool of blood, so that none of its lies can affect me". Damn dude you are crazy, just the way we like you. I hope some of you Nickelback listeners were inspired by this article to find your balls and listen to some real music in that case check out www.slayer.net the official website of Slayer!! Reign in Blood Forever!!
#8 Charles Barkley
A bad ass from the basketball court is our next manly ass dude. Charles Barkley, the Round Mound of Rebound. He was an unbelievably talented basketball player and generally I do not have much respect for basketball so it is not his basketball talent that gains him entry to my list. This guy liked to beat innocent pussies up all over the place, on the court and often at the bar, where he was a regular across the bar scene. He had a physique that really is not manly in the traditional sense of the world but the fact that he was portly and a bit fat is still manly, that means he did not feel compelled to look the way that everyone wanted him to. Of course, it could have been his legendary drinking habit that made him fat, but that is manly too, so fuck it.
The Chuckster has now retired and is the most talented color commentator in the NBA and possibly in all of sports. He is also planning on running for the Governor of Alabama as a Republican. If he were running as a democrat, he would immediately dropped from the list. No democrat can possibly enter the realm of the man, their policies and indecisiveness make them pussies and basically women without boobs (a waste of space). Some of the manly acts of this man are legendary, spitting on fans as he was leaving the court, throwing bar patrons through plate glass windows and not apologizing like most pussy-whipped athletes, and reportedly drinking 15 long island ice teas the night before a game. Long Island's may not be mead or ale, the preferred drink of a Viking man, but 15 is still a lot of alcohol and a real man can drink some serious alcohol. I love Charles Barkley, he kicked ass on the court, beat pussies up in bars, and talked shit to anyone and everyone. Thanks for being such a man Chuck!!!!
#7 Clint Eastwood.
Clint Eastwood is responsible for some of the greatest shit talking in the history of film. Forget film, Clint Eastwood is without a doubt the greatest shit talker in the history of the world. Check out this immortal line from his film Unforgiven:
“I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned.”
Holy fucking shit dude! You know he meant that! What would you do if Eastwood delivered those lines straight to your face with a Colt 45 in his hands? You’d see his wrinkles… his slits for eyes… with his lips barely moving as he speaks. There’s a big fat cigar hanging out of his mouth. What would you do? You would loose all control of your bodily functions… that’s what you’d do. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself, “he’s just an actor, he’s just an actor”… you know you’re going to fucking die! God, he’s such a man!
At this point I’m going to depart from actually writing about Mr. Eastwood and just list some of the glorious shit that has come from his mouth over the years.
“I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.”
“This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.”
“You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.”
“I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”
I could go on and on and on here. Would you really even want to live in a world without Clint Eastwood? I know I wouldn’t. Beyond just saying bad ass shit and smoking poor fools for decades, Clint Eastwood still had time to venture into politics. He was the Republican mayor of his home town of Carmel California. Nothing more manly than seizing political power. Not that it’s necessarily manly, but Clint has also become one of the greatest movie directors of the modern era. Normally winning two directorial Oscars wouldn’t make one manly, but I’d like to think Clint’s wins were a direct result of threatening the likes of Barbra Streisand and Whoopie Goldberg with gun violence. Why isn’t there a national monument to this guy?
#6 Mariusz Pudzianowski
You had to know that the World's Strongest Man had to be one of ten manliest men in modern history, and you are right. His name is Mariusz Pudzianowski. You say what?? That's right, we have a real Pollock on the list. He is physically, without question, the greatest man in history. Look at this fucking guy!! 6 foot 1, 300 lbs. of supercharged testosterone!! The jaw, the face, just cut out of stone. He is only 27 years old making him by far the youngest stud on this list. As a 280 pound guy myself, I have to say I am in awe of Mr. Pudzianowski, if I were gay... woah......(oh shit, did I post that??)
Moving on now, this guy has won three straight WSM titles, you guys know you have seen these Viking warriors lifting cars, smashing buildings, pushing tanks, and ravaging any lucky woman within reach of their growth hormone enlarged hands. He was also an amateur boxer and practices martial arts, meaning that he is unstoppable. He is a true Viking, not saying shit, just lifting, eating, taking steroids, winning at everything he does and, of course, having his way with helpless young women (over 18, unless that shit is legal in Poland, in which case… First Class to Warsaw please!!!). Now Mariusz may not be in power yet (any man this great could be President of Poland at least), or been in movies but his physical greatness alone makes him worthy of my list and you pencil-necks would be well served watching the ascension of another great man who you WILL AND MUST worship and wonder if he is even real. Mariusz is real and he will no doubt live on forever!! Polish Power, fuck yeah!!
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