ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH: PETER THE GREAT
This series exists to illuminate great men of the past and present that may have been forgotten or overlooked. This month's "Man" is Tsar Peter the Great.
Peter, as with most dynastic leaders of the time, was born into his position. His father, Tsar Alexis I, was a moderately successful leader who cautiously ruled for 30 years and had a number of potential male heirs with Peter being the youngest of the group. Peter's father died when Peter was four year old and was anointed Tsar at age 10 along with his sick and retarded brother, Ivan V. He was put into an arranged marriage by his older half sister in his late teens which Peter later dissolved by forcing her into the nunnery. Upon his maturation and a short power struggle, he did the same to his older half-sister. He even stripped her of royal name. Forcing your first wife and half-sister (and acting ruler) into the nunnery is pretty bad ass and extremely manly. Men of the 17th century had the right idea, I must say. I can hear the conversation now...Peter "Hey wife, I am the ruler of the Russian Empire and you are going to bring your younger sister over and I am going to have my way with her"...wife "No way"...Peter "Fine then, have fun being celibate. Off to the nunnery you hag!"...or something like that. Manlyesque!!
As manly as forcing women into a life of celibacy is...Peter also had other traits that confirmed his manhood. He grew to a height of 6'8 which is massive today but damn near unimaginable in the late 17th century. Here at Arthur's Hall, physical size is something to be celebrated and being at least a foot taller than nearly everyone in your country is awesome. Being bigger than other men is one piece of the manhood puzzle to be sure. (And if you're asking...yeah...I am bigger than you...and I am not saying taller either!! Ha, ha)
By 1696, Peter became the undisputed ruler of the Russian Empire and immediately embarked on his mission to "westernize" Russia. As we all know, being like Western and Northern Europe should have been the goal of every nation on Earth at the time and Peter's acknowledgement of the superiority of Western culture is the main reason he is being immortalized in the illustrious ranks of the Arthur's Hall Men of the Month. Peter knew that Russia was backwards and, unlike most Russian rulers, he embraced the West and sought to remake his empire in the image of the great Western Powers like England. He took massive steps to modernize his army and was the first Russian ruler to embrace naval power. He quickly built a fearsome navy that would later be critical in defeating the Swedes and expanding the empire.
Needless to say, Peter faced opposition to his reforms and did what any real man would do in his position...crushed his opposition in brutal fashion. The peasantry was convinced that Peter was the anti-Christ and resented his reforms and, in many cases, left the Empire...but Peter would have none of that. Instead of letting the weaklings leave his growing nation, he employed bounty hunters to bring them back so they could taxed. Obviously this was not a popular policy so the peasants tried to rise up and overthrow Peter. The revolt did not last long and ended with the leader of the revolt being shot in the head. Predictably, this was the last major uprising in Peter's 40 year reign. As much as I respect democracy, I will always have an appreciation for a ruler who decides he is right and kills anyone who disagrees.
One of Peter's early decisions was to try to destroy the Ottoman Empire. The Ottomans were arguably the most powerful Empire in the region at the time and Peter knew his mediocre military would be crushed if he attacked without significant assistance from the Western powers. Not unlike today, the Euros decided they didn't want to address the Muslim nightmare at their doorstep and rebuffed Peter's attempts at forming an anti-Ottoman alliance. Peter, nevertheless, stayed in Europe and spent months in Holland and England learning about how those nations were ruled and the advances of Western culture. He modeled his new capital city, St. Petersburg after Manchester, England. Sidebar...any dude who builds a city and names it after himself is clearly great. He claimed it was named after "St. Peter" but we all know better! That type of arrogance and hubris is reserved for great men and Peter fit the bill.
While Peter was in Europe, some of the elite class decided to try to take his throne. Bad decision...1200 men were executed and put on public display! Yet another manly move by Peter, I know I would think twice about rebelling if I saw 1200 rebels hung out to dry in public. Upon his return Peter did something I don't agree with...he made the Russian elite cut their beards off! NOT MANLY. I understand that it was a symbolic gesture to become Westernized but forcing a man to shave is weaksauce.
Next up for Peter was the Great Northern War. Wars in the 18th century were much different than the 20th century wars we know so well. These wars were often came to stalemates and after a few years (or decades in many cases) the rulers would forget what the hell they were fighting for and come to reasonable peace agreements. The agreement between Sweden and Russia (The Treaty of Nystad) ultimately resulted in Russian gaining much of the Baltics from the Swedes. Russia did gain access to a warm weather port as part of the agreement which was beneficial for increasing trade with Europe at large.
While Peter was successful at remaking Russia into a European power, he was not particularly successful in his personal life. He was single for nearly a decade which I am sure works out well when you are the unquestioned ruler of a nation, but I digress. He did have one known mistress who was later killed for opposing his policies. Word to the wise, if you are going to sleep with the King and not marry him make sure to get knocked up or you will most certainly end up dead. He also had his only male heir, Alexei killed for insubordination. That had to suck. Think about it, you have ruled a nation for 30 years, won some important battles and reformed your nation and yet your only son is a piece of shit that you have to kill because he wants you dead. On a better note, he married a lady named Catherine who would later go on to rule in a consistent and fair fashion after his death. His policies were continued by his wife, his daughter and his grandson Peter III (a petulant and incompetent shithead) married the woman who would be known as Catherine the Great. Peter III was not so great...Catherine had him killed to take over the throne!
As was (and still is...see Vladimir Putin) typical with Russian rulers, Peter crushed his enemies with bloodlust. He sent women who pissed him off to nunneries or had them killed. The dude even killed his own son! His daughter even helped bring Vodka to the world! All manly things to be sure...but his true legacy was transforming Russia from a backwards and second rate state to a world class empire. A man worthy of his "Great" moniker and certainly a man worthy of his enshrinement as Man of the Month. So next time you take a shot of Vodka just remember that it was Peter the Great who made it possible! Thanks Pete... | 
