ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
Fedor Emelianenko!
Welcome to the second installment of the soon-to-be legendary "Arthur's Hall Man of the Month" series. For those new here, the aim of this series is to profile a man who embodies masculinity in a positive and unique way. I will avoid featuring well-known uber-men like Ronald Reagan, Teddy Roosevelt or Winston Churchill, if you don't know how great these men were/are... you should literally remove the remains of your malfunctioning testicles. Without further ado... I give you my Man of the Month. Enjoy!
This month's man is Fedor Emelianenko. Who?... you say. He is only the baddest man on the planet and the greatest fighter in the history of world. I know that seems like an outlandish claim but I sincerely believe that Fedor could beat the shit out of any of the countless billions of humans who have ever lived. Fedor Emelianenko is the undisputed king of the mixed martial arts world. I am a recent convert to the growing sport of MMA. My initial reaction to the sport was negative. I saw it as a methhead's version of the WWF. My impression was forged by watching guys like Tank Abbott who seemed as if they were snatched out of the trailer park and thrown in the ring for the amusement of a fan base whose entertainment palette included monster truck rallies, drag racing, and Godsmack.
The sport has radically evolved since its debut into the national consciousness. The elite fighters now are not only top-notch athletes but are cross-trained in multiple forms of pugilism and grappling. Champions like Georges St. Pierre and Anderson Silva represent this transformation. I have zero doubt that either one of them could be elite boxers or Olympic-level wrestlers. Seeing these well rounded fighters demonstrate a wide range of skills is the reason I am now paying attention to the sport. Once I started paying attention I realized that there was a star whose greatness was so overwhelming that he was held in near mythical esteem. That man is Fedor Emelianenko.
The title "Baddest Man on the Planet" is one that has been thrown around plenty over the years. The most notable example was "Iron" Mike Tyson. He, in his prime, was a savage boxer capable of nearly decapitating anyone in his path. The title seemed to fit at the time and he may very well have been during his title reign. At that time MMA was not a sport of any note and boxing was the primary combat sport in the minds of most people. That paradigm has now changed. Mixed Martial Arts is now seen as the most competitive combat sport. Obviously the end game of the two sports is the same but the techniques are vastly different. Growing up I looked at boxing as a near barbaric form of entertainment but when I watch it now it resembles a chess match more than an all-out fight. The rules are restrictive and limiting. MMA's rules are enough to make sure the sport does not descend into a chair throwing bar brawl but not enough to hinder the action in any significant way. Long story short... the best MMA fighters ARE the best fighters in the world. No professional boxer could compete at an elite level in MMA without significant adjustments or additions to their fighting skills.
Now that I have made the case why Mixed Martial Arts is the premier form of combat sport in the world I can make my case that Fedor Emelianenko is the greatest fighter in human history. As I mentioned before, Fedor is the undisputed king of the MMA world. He has never legitimately lost a fight which in MMA, unlike in boxing, is unprecedented. He is a superbly balanced fighter. His striking, especially his lightning quick left hook, is outstanding. It is not unusual for him to incapacitate fighters with one quick left. He is a devastating finisher. His ground and pound technique is legendary and watching it is not for the faint of heart. He is even known for kicking people in the grill while they are on their back. Fedor is equally dangerous on the ground.
Generally, when he goes to the ground it is on his terms due to his supernatural takedown defense and otherworldly balance. When on the ground against Fedor, a fighter does not have much time or margin for error. I have seen no one keep him in a full guard position. In the event that someone has an advantage on the ground Fedor casually works his opponent into a position for a submission typically a kimura arm lock or a rear choke. The aspect that I have been most impressed with when watching Fedor is his demeanor in the ring. He seems distant, calculating and completely unruffled. Many fighters in MMA work themselves into berserker rages in order to fight, and I believe that puts them a significant disadvantage when fighting someone as rational as Fedor Emelianenko.
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Fedor armbars Mark Coleman... inspiring one of the all-time greatest sports related roid rage tantrums. |
Fedor Emelianenko's fighting background is worth noting. He is a "Master of Sports" in Russia in Sambo and Judo. Sambo is Russian martial art developed in the 1930s. It mixes multiple disciplines such as Judo, Shauijiao, and traditional wrestling. Sambo has been manly since its inception. One of its inventors (Vasili Oshchepkov) was EXECUTED by Stalin because he would not disavow the influence of Japanese Judo. I have read and written about some manly characters in my time but this Vasili dude... wow. So if a sport is created by this type of Viking... you know its a manly sport. Fedor was declared "Master of Sports" in Sambo (and Judo) in 1997 at the age of 21. In the World Combat Sambo competition in 2007, he won be default when the finalist refused to get on the mat with him. You know you are a fucking beast when the second best fighter in the world is afraid to tangle with you.
Fedor's love for competitive Combat Sambo is just another facet of his manliness. He is a 5 time World Combat Sambo Champion and his refusal to stop competing in these events is the reason why he is not in the UFC. UFC is the premier MMA organization in the world and one of their demands on their fighters is that they do not compete outside of UFC-sanctioned fights. Joining the UFC would add to Fedor's popularity and earning power but his steadfastness to his fighting principles is something to be admired.
Fedor Emelianenko is the best fighter in the world. That alone makes him worthy of Arthur's Hall glory. Competitive fighting has never been more popular or competitive and he is the greatest of them all. To me, that leaves little doubt that Fedor Emelianenko is greatest fighter in the history of our species. Just take a moment and imagine what that must be like. Literally knowing that no human being who has ever lived could kick your ass. It must be the most empowering feeling. I have always said that true masculinity is being great at what you choose to do and being greatest at destroying other men using nothing but the tools we were all created with is about as manly as it gets. Fedor Emelianenko is a man worthy of our respect and admiration and that is why he is the "Arthur's Hall Man of the Month" for October 2008.
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