SOY IS EVIL PLANT SEMEN
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A few days ago, I walked into my favorite smoothie shop and bought some Muscle Milk and decided that I would have one of my favorite things in the world, The Builder. It is a drink befitting any real man. It is packed with 1500 calories, perfect for a 280 pound Viking. The ingredients are a thing of beauty, a gainer style chocolate protein powder, chocolate ice cream, a large helping of peanut butter, a banana and some nonfat milk. I have been drinking these shakes for years and it is rare that I go two weeks without one.
So back to my story, I was ordering this shake and I happened to look up at the ingredients and all of the ingredients that I am familiar with were there along with one that made me want to burn the store down.....Soymilk! “Are you fucking kidding me” I said..to which the girl at the stand said “What?”. I asked her “What the hell is Soymilk doing in a builder?”. She, needless to say, did not understand why I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I asked her to put some milk in it and she said that they only had powdered milk and I said that was fine. So walking away from the shop I wondered why anyone who would be drinking a 1500 calorie shake would want plant ejaculate in their favorite smoothie. I came to the conclusion that not one of the guys who drink these would ever ask for plant come. So what the fuck was it doing there? No spoilage? Perhaps. Insidious plot by our society to lower my serum testosterone levels? Yes, that was it.
The substance that draws my ire is soymilk and soybeans in general. First of all, they taste like shit. But there are plenty of things that taste horrible, my issue with soy is the so-called “health benefits”. You may have read that soy can lower your risk for heart problems, colon and prostrate cancer and God knows all the other things that have been attributed to this little legume. Is there research showing this? It is inconclusive but it is fair to think that soy could lengthen your life. So why do I not want it?
Soy, when processed, has the estrogen like compounds, genistein and daidzein. Research has shown that these two evil chemicals can lower male serum testosterone levels up to 19% in four short weeks. Of course, those clowns were ingesting more plant semen that we would ever dream of but the fact is that SOY LOWERS YOUR TESTOSTERONE LEVELS. Even 1% is not acceptable.
We live in a world that hates our testosterone and seeks to destroy it. The insidious growth of soy by-products in our food is not coincidence. Be on the look out and be vigilant. I don’t want to hear about one of you drinking too much soy milk and then wondering why your life sucks or why Death Cab for Cutie is not coming to your city on their latest tour. (Side note, do pussy ass bands like this tour?...I can’t even imagine how fucking sad 5000 Death Cab fans together must be)
We work too damn hard to maximize (or add to it) the effects of our hormonal liquid gold to let it be destroyed by a stupid, shitty legume. It is not coincidence that vegans (especially male ones) look like bitches...in fact they are well on their way to becoming just that. So now that you know that you, as a real Viking man, should not be consuming this crap, how do you avoid it? Well I have taken it upon myself to help you avoid any and all soy products. Here are some tips to help you avoid the soy menace.
1.Stay away from Asian food (especially the soups and anything that does not say chicken or beef)
2. This should go without saying but avoid any imitation meat products...they are riddled with soy.
3. Any breakfast cereal that has a woman on the cover or has Asian flare. Foodmakers have seemingly decided that Asian flare is the code for soy content.
When in doubt, read the back of your food. You will find Soy Protein Concentrate or Isolate and other soy products in some of the frozen food you eat. You can also find it in lesser protein drinks and bars. Throw this shit away or better yet feed to the woman of the house. Soy is decent for women and just like so many things, if it is good for women it is probably not good for men.
I will ask for your help on this project to rid the masculine world of estrogen laced plant semen by posting foods that contain this shit on the Viking Forum. That will help all of us keep tabs on our soy consumption. Fuck Plant Semen!
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