A MANLY THANKSGIVING
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I want to apologize for my lengthy respite, I have been quite busy so I have not written an article recently. I am back. I know that you guys are incapable of existing without injections of manliness straight from the bastion of manliness... ME. This is a new format for me, this is what we (being right minded individuals) should be thankful for. This is not going to be some sappy, nonsensical article, this will give you an idea of why we ALL should be thankful. So here we go, this is going to be in list format. I am thankful.....
- For living in the greatest nation in the world. America may have its problems (liberals, tanorexia, etc) but it is still the best nation on Earth.
- For Sacha Baron Cohen and his character, Borat, the funniest movie in at least a decade. JAGSHEMESH!!
- For the Dumbocratic sweep of the 2006 mid-term elections. What the fuck you ask? These results will enable the GOP to get back to what it does best...cut taxes, cut spending and fight wars. Our party had been in control too long and they had forgotten what made them superior to their weaker opposition. We were spending like Democrats and talking like neo-conservatives...a horrific combination in the eyes of the average illiterate voter. We will refocus and sweep back into power in 08 in the House, Senate and most importantly, the Presidency.
- For Iron Maiden and its new album, A Matter of Life and Death. After all these years, still kicking ass and glorifying Western culture. Up the Irons!
- For the ascendancy of Ehud Olmert as the Prime Minister of Israel. We support your war against Hezbollah, Hamas and Islamic fundamentalism as a whole.
- For the re-election of World's Greatest Man, Arnold Schwarzenegger. A Republican is making a mockery of the blue staters in California and giving our party a blueprint on how to win California in 2008.
- For Slayer, still carrying the mail in the world of thrash metal after all these years. Long after pussies like Metallica and Pantera have gone by the wayside, Slayer still kills!
- For having a football team that I can pissed at when they are 6-4 and leading the NFC West. Welcome back to health Matt and Shawn.
- For all the readers of this great site. I owe my success to you. Keep the faith!
- For my parents and the people I love. You are the best! Always remember men, it is manly to love your parents and to be a upstanding citizen in your community.
- For Ronnie Coleman finally losing in the Mr. Olympia. Nice run man, but you are done.
- For the US Basketball team losing at the World Championships. It is great to see how greed, a lack of fundamentals, and a lack of heart still lead to defeat.
- For our brave Commander-in-Chief, George W. Bush. For standing up to all those who criticize him and giving them the big middle finger. Keep up the good work in Iraq and if it comes down to it, redraw the borders. Divide and conquer!!
- For all the men and women who serve in our Armed Forces in Iraq. We all know that you could do more there but your hands are tied, we do not blame you for anything that has happened there.
- For Guantanamo Bay, keeping these savages under lock and key is the right thing to do. Enemy combatants are not subject to Constitutional protections. Execute Em!
- For the health and well-being of all my readers and their families.
- For the singular greatness of Peyton Manning, the greatest Quarterback in history. It is a joy to watch you.
- For the demise of Daunte Culpepper, good to see a no-good bum get what he deserves...his ass on a bench.
- For chewing tobacco, still bringing men enjoyment in an increasingly hostile world.
- For weightlifting, without it no man's life is complete.
- For the legacy of our forefathers. We owe our cultural superiority to the blood, sweat and ingenuity of generations past. Do not let them down by becoming slaves to non-Western culture.
- For the 2nd Amendment, preserving the right of all Americans to defend their honor, property, families and freedom.
- For the 1st Amendment that gives us the ability to speak out against anything we please. Don't forget to use it!
- For higher gas prices. Giving the idiots who own Suck Utility Vehicles headaches every time they turn their keys with their fat fingers.
- For outstanding economic growth, we are all becoming more prosperous every day and if you aren't, you have no one to blame but yourself.
- For my job in the software industry.
- For eggs, the world's cheapest and greatest protein source, I owe my strength to you!
- For assault rifles. Making us capable of killing animals with ease.
- For the cardiologists that are going to fix my father's heart problems. Godspeed!
- And, last but not least, for Thanksgiving, the Manliest holiday of them all. What other day are you encouraged to eat as much meat as possible, watch football and sleep.
We have so much to be thankful for. I hope this list will help you remember that we live a charmed life. Don't waste a day of it, you will regret it forever. Happy Thanksgiving men!
- arthur@arthurshall.com
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