ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
06/23/09 — Chuck Schuldiner of Death
This month's nominee is a man that I knew nothing about six months ago. I had heard that Chuck Schuldiner was the man on many occasions but I am a stubborn bastard so I did not listen. I finally decided to start listening to Death a couple of months ago and now I am fucking hooked. Schuldiner may not measure up to prior men of the month in terms of accomplishment but I make the damn rules around here and I say Chuck is in... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR AND ARNOLD
05/31/09 — A Personal Portrait of a Viking and His Dog
My life changed in January of 2007 when my ex-girlfriend brought Arnold to my office. I walked outside and there he was, no more than 10 lbs, all ears and feet. He was the cutest little puppy and when I approached him, he sat down staring into my eyes intently. I had never owned a dog before and certainly had never raised a puppy so this experience was new to me. I had no clue that I was meeting my best friend for the first time. I picked him up and he did not protest...probably because he had just had his balls cut off...but who's keeping score? I remember being surprised at how tiny he was. Keep in mind, we adopted him so we did not know what breed he was so I had no clue how big he would be or even what he would look like as he matured. We took him to the park and I can remember two things...he sat without being prompted and looked right at me and that he could lay on my chest and did on the way home... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
05/12/09 — Jon Pall Sigmarsson
Jon Pall was born in 1960 on the hallowed island of Iceland. Iceland, as you damn well should know, is the ultimate Viking nation. It was settled by Norwegian Vikings including Eirik the Red and his son, Leif Eiriksson. Iceland is the most homogeneous nation on the planet...they are basically all direct descendants of the Vikings. They still speak Old Norse for God's sake and embrace their Pagan ancestors by using the ancient Viking naming conventions (son and dottir for last names) It may as well be called Vikingland. So Jon Pall was obviously born into a certain amount of "Vikingness"... READ MORE |
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GO PALEO!!!
04/28/09 — The Science of the Paleolithic Diet
Are you eating right? That's a question that many people ask themselves, and it's a question that feeds many industries making billions of dollars every year. It's a question that forces its way into your conscious and sub-conscious brain, day in and day out. News reports, medical studies, books, magazines, commercial advertising and word of mouth all creep their way into your information bank. There are countless claims as to what constitutes a "healthy" diet, and almost all of them conflict on some level, leaving the average guy with more confusion than enlightenment. So with such an itching, burning question just begging to be addressed, what is the official Arthur's Hall take on the matter? The most reasonable one of course: The food you should be eating is the food that humans are designed to eat... READ MORE |
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MY LIFE AS A CAVEMAN
04/19/09 — Arthur's Conversion to the Paleo Diet
In December, I made a drastic change to my lifestyle. No, I did not decide to color my hair, get manicures or start listening to Coldplay, I started eating like a caveman. On the advice of HammerOfThor, the author of the recent Go Paleo masterpiece, I turned my dietary life upside down and now its time for me to share my experience. I learned about the Paleolithic Diet on the Viking Forum. The Viking Forum is where real men go to interact with me and to discuss everything that is manly and this is yet another reason to join....NOW! READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
04/05/09 — Tsar Peter the Great of Russia
This series exists to illuminate great men of the past and present that may have been forgotten or overlooked. This month's "Man" is Tsar Peter the Great... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR TO THE RESCUE
03/21/09 — Our Broken Economy: How, Why, & the Only Solution
America's economy is broken. We hear it everyday when we turn on the news, open our Internet browsers or listen to talk radio. Everywhere you look...more bad news. Layoffs, stock market misery, falling home prices, massive unemployment and, worst of all, President Obama pontificating about economic Armageddon. The government's response has been underwhelming... Stimulus, bailouts, blah, blah, blah. None of it seems to make any difference. Realistically, the government cannot do much of anything in the short term. Anyone who understands anything about economics could tell you that and yet we have dozens of classically trained economists recommending every possible solution with no clear consensus. Why? No one wants to talk about the real problem....you and I. That's right, the system did not fail, we did... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
02/28/09 — Charles "The Hammer" Martel!!!
In 732, a major event took place that shaped the world we live in. In fact, it may have been one of the important events in the course of Western Civilization. Yet...I am guessing that 99% of you have no clue what I am talking about which is why I bring it up. The event that I am alluding to is the Battle of Tours in which the forces of The Frankish King Charles "The Hammer" Martel defeated the boy raping Muslim invaders who had set their sites on Continental Europe after subduing the pussy Spaniards. This month's Arthur Hall Man of the Month is none other than Charles "The Hammer" Martel... READ MORE |
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STEROIDS: THE REAL STORY
02/16/09 — Arthur Educates the Anti-Steroid Hypocrites
In the wake of today's admission by Alex Rodriguez that he did, in fact, use anabolic steroids (AAS) I feel it is time for me to give you, the readers of Arthur's Hall, the real story about anabolic steroids. First, my take on A-Rod....of course he did. Why am I not shocked? Because athletes use steroids. End of story. We know that A-Rod, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire and a host of others did but the true story is that the vast majority NOT named in these reports did too. To those who think taking steroids is cheating...fuck you. Is taking extra batting practice cheating? Is lifting weights cheating? Is film study cheating? No...and maximizing your physical strength with the use of pharmaceutical products isn't either. Where is the line? The answer is that there is no line. Do we suspend ourselves in battle because we use advanced weapons, GPS and night vision? No. Why in the hell should we expect the very best athletes in the world to limit themselves? Out of guilt? Nonsense. Their JOB is to the best they can be. To me it is their obligation to look for any advantage they can find... READ MORE |
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HARRY FLASHMAN ON GITMO AND GAZA
01/26/09 — Sage Advice From The Hall's Elder Statesman
I have given it some thought so don't get your panties in a twist. I was vehemently in favor of keeping the Guantanamo detention center open and either trying those Jihadist douchenozzles in a military tribunal or simply executing them for be caught waging war while out of uniform. The leftist liberal bed-wetters, the ACLU and Democrats have been having fits about how unfair we have been in denying these freedom fighters their constitutional rights and the deleterious effect that has had on the United States image in the world... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
01/05/09 — Israel's Ehud Olmert
This month's Arthur's Hall Man of Month is a lightning rod for criticism and disdain across the entire Middle East. That alone makes him worthy of consideration but it was his recent decision to bomb the living shit out of Gaza that cemented Ehud Olmert's candidacy as Man of the Month. As all of you should know by now...anytime a leader finds a reason to bomb a Middle Eastern nation...I am always impressed. I don't give a damn if some Gazan idiot threw a rock, to me that is sufficient provocation for a devastating aerial attack. Obviously, I am pro-Israel and I giggle with glee when I see bombs falling on Gaza, the West Bank, Syria, Iran or any other pissant Muslim nation... READ MORE |
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10 More Manly Guns
12/30/08 — Mad Mike is Back with 10 More Manly Firearms
Previously I compiled a list of the Ten Manliest Firearms. I noted that variations on the list were certainly acceptable, but still ran into a bunch of grief from non-men who were unable to read, nor to grasp that real men don't care if other real men disagree with them. Still, there are a LOT of guns out there, so I figured it was time to compile another list. You should own all of these guns before Zero takes office, and then buy more until he wets his pants and blubbers like the wuss he is. And if you don't like this list, compile your own, or wait for the next one... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
12/05/08 — Geert Wilders of the Dutch Party for Freedom
In the wake of the recent terrorist attacks in India I feel it is important to reiterate our position that Islam is a direct threat to Western Civilization. Considering we just elected a man who clearly has sympathies for these gutless boy-raping terrorists it is important for men to understand that fundamentalist Muslims will not rest until we are all dead. In that light, my Man of The Month is someone who understands the threat of Islam to the Western World... that man is none other than Geert Wilders... READ MORE |
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HE'S OUR PRESIDENT NOW
11/09/08 — Arthur's Anger and Hope
What happened? Who's to blame? What do we do now? Read on and I'll tell you.
This is an article I never wanted to write. I hoped I could avoid it for at least four or eight years... but this day was inevitable. I am glad that I gave myself a 24 hour waiting period before sitting down to do this. An article written last night would have been nothing more than an emotional tangent. But I have calmed down and now I give you my thoughts, emotions, and sentiments... READ MORE |
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HAPPY HELLOWEEN!!!
10/31/08 — Why Arthur hates Halloween, but loves Helloween
Halloween is a pointless holiday. It has no reason for being other than for little kids to dress up and go door-to-door begging for candy. I have no problem with that, in fact, I did a lot trick-or-treating as a kid and a fair amount of bag snatching. That was always fun. That being said, I am disturbed at the modern state of this holiday
I may just be getting older but it seems that Halloween has changed significantly over the years. I remember it well, you get home from school, start working on your costume and by about 8:00pm you roll out with bag in hand with the single minded focus to fill it with as much candy as you can carry. The best trick-or-treaters were businessmen, they knew which neighborhoods were best and which houses were the "King Size Hershey Bar" houses. Unfortunately, things have changed for the worse... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH: FEDOR
10/19/08 — Why Fedor Emelianenko is an Icon of Masculinity
This month's man is Fedor Emelianenko. Who?...you say. He is only the baddest man on the planet and the greatest fighter in the history of world. I know that seems like an outlandish claim but I sincerely believe that Fedor could beat the shit out of any of the countless billions of humans who have ever lived. Fedor Emelianenko is the undisputed king of the mixed martial arts world. I am a recent convert to the growing sport of MMA. My initial reaction to the sport was negative. I saw it as a methhead's version of the WWF. My impression was forged by watching guys like Tank Abbott who seemed as if they were snatched out of the trailer park and thrown in the ring for the amusement of a fan base whose entertainment palette included monster truck rallies, drag racing, and Godsmack. The sport has radically evolved since its initial debut into the national consciousness. The elite fighters now are not only top-notch athletes but are cross-trained in multiple forms of pugilism and grappling. Champions like Georges St. Pierre and Anderson Silva represent this transformation. I have zero doubt that either one of them could be elite boxers or Olympic-level wrestlers. Seeing these well rounded fighters demonstrate a wide range of skills is the reason I am now paying attention to the sport. Once I started paying attention I realized that there was a star whose greatness was so overwhelming that he was held in near mythical esteem. That man is Fedor Emelianenko... READ MORE |
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JOHN McCAIN AND THE SUPREME COURT
10/05/08 — Don't Like McCain? You Should Still Vote For Him
I hate John McCain. I’m also voting for him. If you’re man enough to suck it up and face reality, you’ll vote for him too after careful consideration of my reasoning. If, on the other hand, you’re so enamoured with mindless slogans and “hope-filled” rhetoric that you can no longer make rational decisions, then you don’t even have high enough T-levels to be reading this website, much less to understand what I’m about to lay down.
The most important issue of this election is not Iraq or even Iran. The rhetoric employed by both candidates to stir up their respective bases aside, the two candidates have virtually the same positions on most major foreign policy questions as well as on the conflict in Georgia (Yes, I know there are third parties on the ballot, but I’ll address that later). Additionally, there is no real issue surrounding Social Security or any other social programs because the Democrats are sure to gain a majority in Congress, which will guarantee that these programs stay in place no matter who is President. A Democrat controlled Congress also means that abortion laws will not change and a Federal ban on gay marriage is essentially precluded, so forget about the culture war... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MAN OF THE MONTH
09/14/08 — Mustafa Kemal Ataturk
Welcome to the first installment of The Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness "Man of the Month" series. I came up with the idea for this series a while back when I realized that many of you out there are not as well informed as I am. While I will never expect that any of you will be able to match wits with me, I do feel like it is my duty to educate the ignorant masses. The Man of the Month series is an excellent way for me to fulfill this duty. As you come back every month to read these genius-inspired articles, you will notice that I am going to take time to profile men that may have slipped through the cracks of widespread notoriety. Any man worth a shit knows and reveres men like Ronald Reagan or Winston Churchill, so I want to bring other real men to your attention... READ MORE |
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VIKINGS DON'T TEXT MESSAGE
08/30/08 — Hit the Link for Arthur's Newest Rant
As you know, I have been on a political bender over the past couple of months. Now that our party's nomination is wrapped up, I want to get some less serious but disturbing trends I am noticing in society today. Texting is my focus for today. Everywhere I go I see slack-jawed idiots texting other slack-jawed idiots and I wonder, sometimes aloud, "Why?". I think the answer is clear... because they are complete douchebags... READ MORE |
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LIBERAL MORONS AND GAS PRICES
07/28/08 — Crazy Einar Talks Big Oil, and Big Idiots
"Gas is expensive because Bush has oil interests!"
"When Bush took office, gas was $1.46 a gallon."
The former statement is just a catchphrase for a shithead. The second is true, but ignores the fact that two years before, gas was 77c a gallon, here in Indy. In other words: It doubled under blubba clinton in two years, and neoliberal shitheads declared it to be a "Good Thing". When it doubled again under Bush, in 5 years, during a war in the Middle East, with a frothing nutjob in Venezuela and strife in Mexico and Nigeria, along with a massive demand increase from China, India and other developing nations, that was a "Bad Thing"... READ MORE |
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VIKING WEIGHTLIFTING Q&A
06/28/08 — Arthur Answers Questions from the AH Community
Over the past three years I have attained a certain level of credibility on the subject of bodybuilding and weightlifting. I get asked all sorts of questions by readers on a day-to-day basis. In an effort to make Arthur's Hall more interactive, I have decided to answer a series of questions in article format. I assume that if one guy asks a question, many more wonder about the same thing. So rather than bullshit around, I give you "Weightlifting Q & A: Thoughts from a Viking Genius"... READ MORE |
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MITT ROMNEY FOR VP
06/12/08 — Why Mitt is the Right Choice for John McCain
What role does a Vice Presidential candidate play? How much does a running mate matter? In typical years, a VP pick tends to be motivated by loyalty, friendship or simple electoral math. The VP nominee, historically, has had a nominal effect on the general election. This election will be different. Most Americans are not happy with the direction the nation is going. Both President Bush and the Democratic Congress have historically low approval ratings. Obviously, the American people are fed up. The source of that frustration, in my view, is the negative tone and hyper-partisanship that has typified the last 16 years of American politics. People want something different, for better (McCain) or for worse (Obama). Why is a pissed off electorate relevant to a discussion about John McCain's running mate? Let me tell you.... READ MORE |
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A CALL TO ARMS
05/18/08 — Men, It is Time to get Involved!
John McCain is our nominee for President of The United States. That we know. He was not the unanimous choice but, in the end, he won the Republican nomination and now another chapter begins in this historically insane election cycle. Since his coronation as party leader I have noticed that most Republicans are on board with him as our nominee. Two months ago, it seemed (to some idiots in the media) that the party would be split but we, in true GOP form, have closed ranks and that is a good thing. The main reason for this, I believe, is that we are witnessing a complete debacle on the Democratic side. Clinton is who she is...no mystery there. Obama, on the other hand, has had a tough couple of months and the so-called "Obamaicans" have now been introduced to Jeremiah Wright, The Weathermen and his flaccid inability to knock out a flawed opponent. At this point, I don't give a damn which of those two is the nominee. They are both a nuisance and neither is stronger than the other... READ MORE |
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JAPAN: WHY STOP AT TWO?
05/02/08 —Why We Might Need to Nuke Japan Again!
There was a time when the Japanese were a feared race. When samurai would compose soulful haikus in the shade of a cherry blossom grove. When the Empire of the Sun stretched all the way across the pacific and dared to challenge the sleeping American giant.
But no more. Now the people who once ruled the Pacific, humbled by their defeat in WWII, have evolved. Like a bold young clefairy in the presence of a moonstone, Japan has risen from the ashes of the Enola Gay's thermonuclear doose and transformed into a new being- a group consciousness, void of decency, logic or pride.. READ MORE |
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50 DO'S AND DON'TS FOR REAL MEN
04/04/08 — Apply Knowledge Liberally to Accentuate Manhood!
We talk a lot about manliness and what that means here on Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness. It often takes the form of political conservatism, weightlifting, responsibility, tobacco use and as some would say, unhealthy love of guns. I got to thinking about how we are to live our lives on a day-to-day basis. Rather than wax poetic with complicated themes of manliness I thought I would give you "50 Do's and Don'ts for a Real Man". Enjoy!... READ MORE |
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FAVRE: TRIBUTE TO A LEGEND
03/06/08 — A Lifelong Packer Fan's Humble Tribute
I am a Packers fan by birth.I'll be the first to admit that at times, it was often difficult being a fan of the most storied franchise in NFL history. My family is from Wisconsin, however I did not grow up in the land of cheese, so it was a rarity to have the opportunity to watch my beloved Packers play on the local channels. In fact, it was hard to watch sometimes, even when it was on.
There were few bright spots during those years, better known as the "dark-ages" of Green Bay annals. My father would be the first to tell me of this so-called venerable team. Monumental stories of Jerry Kramer, Ray Nitschke, and Forrest Gregg being led by the immortal Vince Lombardi in many legendary battles such as the "Ice Bowl." He even handed down his Bart Starr autographed football to my brother and me, as though he was trying to prove that this team was once existed.
I vaguely remember sitting around the television set watching Lynn Dickey tossing the ball to James Lofton, then later Don Majkowski - The Majik Man - throwing it to Sterling Sharpe in what appeared to be a slightly promising future for the Pack. Were these moments to be the end of our decades-long slump? Not just yet, patience, maybe next year. over and over again. maybe next year... READ MORE |
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ROB HALFORD: GAY VIKING
02/28/08 — Yes... You Read That Title Right!
I know that for many of you this title of this article may be a bit disturbing. A Gay Viking? Blasphemous you say. In the case of Rob Halford, you could not be more wrong. Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness does not generally consider homosexuality very manly. This article is mostly about Rob Halford but it is also about how we view homosexuality here on the Hall. It is widely held that this is a homophobic website. We here at the Hall do not give a damn what people do in their bedrooms. Legislating individual choice and preference is an affront to conservatism. We stand for individual liberty and that does encompass sexual behavior. What we do not appreciate is the thought that people are entitled to different social status due to their sexuality... READ MORE |
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THE RISE OF THE EUROPEAN UNION
02/05/08 — and the loss of liberty, freedom, and human rights at a fundamental level
To many idealists living in the United States, the European Union is the height of international cooperation and socialized living, where everyone is equal. Healthcare is provided for, and there are civil service jobs available to all. The IMF has the EU ranked 1st in the world for GDP, and social liberalism has firmly taken root to make all things better... READ MORE |
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THE MANLIEST GAME CONSOLES
01/19/08 — Shatner Defines Video Game Manliness!
Why am I writing an article about the manliest video game consoles? Two reasons... first, it is damn fun to step outside the conservative/libertarian politics and cartoonish (yet completely sincere) ape-like chest thumping of the majority of the content on Arthur's Hall for some old-school nerdiness. Second... this stuff is f-ing good for business! Our "Manliest Games" article was a hit all over the Internet, and brought tons of traffic and interesting people to Arthur's Hall. You hear me Joystiq, Kotaku, and Destructoid? I expect to see this article on your front page! I suppose magic happens when you write about something you really are excited about, and I do love classic games. Happily, I also love archaic video game hardware and I do feel as if I have something substantial to say on this topic. So here it is men, and women (all three of you plus Colette Bennett), The 5 Manliest Video Game Consoles of All Time!... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR IS PISSED
01/14/08 — Arthur Defines Viking Conservatism!
I am pissed off. Why? I am fed up with faux (or as I will call it from here forward "Fox") conservatism. We are going to look at what REAL conservatism is. Forget the divide and conquer "51 percent" mantra of Karl Rove. Real conservatism ALWAYS wins elections. It is a superior ideology but many Fox conservatives have perverted it to the point where I don't recognize it anymore. Our party should be ashamed itself. We have betrayed our hero and greatest president, Ronald Reagan. Like many of you, I was raised during the Reagan administration. As a six year old child, I told my father to vote for Reagan in 1984 due to his support of "Star Wars" missile defense. He did. I guess that was my first political stump speech. I am here to give another. I have a bigger audience now and the cause is as important as it was in 1984. Conservatives face a choice, we can get back to real conservatism or face political extinction. This is that clear to me... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S PICK FOR PRES
01/02/08 — The Official Viking Endorsement!
As we enter 2008, we, as Americans, have an important duty. We GET (and I emphasize GET) to choose our next president. This choice and process of electing a President is not to be taken lightly or for granted. Most of the other civilized nations use a psarliamentary system while most of the world's people are mere lemmings for dictators and despots. And the truth is that most of those nation's leaders are irrelevant because their nations are irrelevant. We choose who will be the most powerful man (and yes I meant man) in the world for the next four years, a weighty thing to be sure... READ MORE |
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VIKING PHILOSOPHY
12/16/07 — Practical Philosophy for the Every-day Viking
What is philosophy? It has been many things to many men throughout the ages, but if you said it is presently a system used by emasculated college professors to justify failure and weakness you would be right. Philosophy, like many once great enterprises (like music, micro brewing, and democracy) has been taken over by metrosexuals and perverted into a threat to society itself. This was not always so. There was once a time when men where men and greatness was greatness. That time was the golden age of Athens... READ MORE |
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CAPITALISM AND ENVIRONMENTALISM
11/21/07 — How Hippies are Destroying Our Environment
Among dirty, tree-hugging hippies (Figure 1), there is a common sentiment that capitalism is inherently evil and will result in the destruction of our environment. I've argued with some of these hippies before, and tried to explain to them that countries with free market systems (such as the U.S. and Japan) typically have much better environmental quality then countries with centrally-planned economies (such as China and the former Soviet Union). Apparently, their marijuana-addled brains are immune to reason, because this black-and-white argument always fails to convince them. The fact of the matter is, environmental destruction is not a preordained outcome with capitalist systems; but in fact, free market economies may be a necessity for us to save our environment... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S FAVORITE BANDS
11/12/07 — Arthur Reveals His Personal Favorite Viking Bands
I was sitting here listening to my iTunes on my Mac (which by the way runs ITunes 100 times better than your PC) and I got to thinking. "Who are my favorite bands?" It is a question that everyone gets asked but I am not sure that many of us can nail down at Top 10 favorite bands so I decided that I would give it a shot. This list is very different than some of the other Top 10 lists that I have done becauese of the fact that I am ONLY taking into account my personal tastes and preferences. I will not pretend that this is a definitive list, although I am sure it is better than the shit that you listen to. but that is because I am better than you. I guess I thought, "If I could only listen to one band for the rest of my life who would it be?" Once I found #1, did the same with all the remaining music in the world, and so on. So here it is. Arthur's Top 10 Favorite Bands... READ MORE |
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POPEYE - APOTHEOSIS OF MANHOOD
11/04/07 — Remember to Eat Your Spinach!
I know most people probably don't associate cartoons directly with manliness and masculinity. I can understand that, since most cartoons are for kids, and most of the cartoons for adults feature tentacled demons raping Japanese schoolgirls. If that is your idea of fun, please press ctrl-Q on your keyboard, and never use the Internet again. I have to admit that I personally love cartoons. I don't love all cartoons, but I like some of the old Disney movies, I really like Pixar films, and I absolutely love old Fleicher Studios Cartoons like Popeye
Fleicher Studios was Disney’s biggest competition in the 1930’s, and turned out dozens of very well animated Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons. It was an era before political correctness, and before blacks attained their civil rights and some amount of affluence. I’m sure the audience was about as white as you can get. These cartoons are always violent, sexist, racist, and being that these cartoons are from a bygone era… I find their themes completely non-threatening and entertaining. I know I wouldn’t want to live in a world that sexist, racist, and violent… but it sure is funny... READ MORE |
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FIXING HEALTH CARE THE VIKING WAY
10/12/07 — Shatner Unleashes A Blistering Rant on Health Care
I'm madder than King Leonidas of Sparta at a Moveon.org anti-war rally over the current health care debate in America. There is no current issue that interests and infuriates me more, and there is probably no other issue I know more about or have cared about longer than that of health care. I'm sure we've all seen a movie whose plot trips up and starts down the wrong path. You want to yell at the screen. The proper resolution is so obvious, but the director is an idiot and the end of the movie is a complete clusterfuck. This is exactly how I feel about the health care debate in America today... READ MORE |
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THE MANLY WAY TO COOK MEAT
10/05/07 — Crazy Einar's Guide to Cooking Meat the Man Way
Since the dawn of time, fire has been an indication of civilization. It
treated flint, steamed wood, cast bronze, smelted iron, burned out
peasants for the obligatory sacking and looting, hosted leaders and
their war bands before they engaged in the slaughter of squatters or savages,
and cooked meat... READ MORE |
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SOY IS EVIL PLANT SEMEN
09/13/07 — Does Soy Turn You Into a Woman? YES IT DOES!!!
A few days ago, I walked into my favorite smoothie shop and bought some Muscle Milk and decided that I would have one of my favorite things in the world, The Builder. It is a drink befitting any real man. It is packed with 1500 calories, perfect for a 280 pound Viking. The ingredients are a thing of beauty, a gainer style chocolate protein powder, chocolate ice cream, a large helping of peanut butter, a banana and some nonfat milk. I have been drinking these shakes for years and it is rare that I go two weeks without one... READ MORE |
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IN DEFENSE OF BARRY BONDS
08/06/07 — What Do Fans Really Want? More Steroids!!!
Barry Bonds took steroids. I feel like I have to say that before I tell you why he is not the villain that the media and more importantly Major League Baseball would like you to believe he is. As you should know by now, Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's hallowed home run record this weekend and, barring something strange, he will become baseball's all time king of the long ball. I will be the first to admit that I am not a fan of Barry Bonds. I always thought he was the second best baseball player in the modern era, second only to the incomparable Ken Griffey Jr. That being said, this weekend pissed me off... READ MORE |
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THE 25 MANLIEST FILMS
07/22/07 — What Movie is the Manliest?
Welcome, fellow Vikings! My name is Archangel, and for my first article, I have composed for you all a list of what I consider to be the manliest films of all time. My father is a film professor, and I have taken several college-level courses in film studies, so I feel qualified to attempt this monumental task. Below I have provided a brief description of each movie along with why I feel it is worthy to be on the list. So turn off the Lifetime network, make yourself a protein shake and prepare to be enlightened about the few gems of manliness that shine brightly in the dark world of motion pictures. Without further ado, I give you... The 25 Manliest Movies Ever... READ MORE |
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FUCK CHRIS BENOIT
07/02/07 — Arthur's Take on the Double Murder Suicide
It took me a couple of days to process my thoughts about the recent Chris Benoit tragedy. At first when I heard that he and his family were dead I thought they may have been murdered but I should have known better. I will be the first to say that I respected Chris Benoit as a performer. He was one the the greats. What he lacked in charisma he made up for with his in-ring skill and passion. It was clear that he lived and breathed wrestling and that counts for a lot with me. All that aside, I have three words to describe this whole situation "Fuck Chris Benoit"... READ MORE |
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DEATH WITH DIGNITY
06/13/07 — Is Your Right to Die an Important Right?
With the recent release of Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian I got to thinking..What do I think about assisted suicide? I have always had mixed feelings on this subject and I am sure that many of you are in the same position. On one hand, it seems like a coward's way out. That is most certainly true. But if you look at it another way, it looks the very definition of self-determination. What is more self-determined than walking into Dr. Death's office and saying "I am done man, gimmie the cyanide". In the following article, I am going to make the case that supporting "Death with Dignity" is a conservative view point... READ MORE |
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MEN, LOVE YOUR DAUGHTERS
06/03/07 — Why America Needs Good Fathers and Strong Families
It is at times common practice here on Arthur's Hall for some of us to sing the praises of promiscuous women. While women who lack moral virtues may have their uses (to some of us anyway), it goes without saying that nobody wants their local tanorexic gym whore to raise their children. I would argue that us men are yielding to our weaker (and less manly) instincts when we give these bawdy harlots the time of day. Your average promiscuous woman isn't some gift from God to satisfy our libertine instincts, she is a sad and unhappy girl, who is unlikely to contribute to society or future generations in any positive way. I propose that by encouraging self-destructive behavior, we are damaging these women, ourselves, and all of society. What I suspect all these women have in common, and what has led them to their current state of wantonness, is the lack of unconditional fatherly love. Men, we need you to love your daughters... READ MORE |
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CONGRATULATIONS MR. SARKOZY
05/07/07 — Finally, France Has Elected a Real Man!
I would like to personally congratulate Nicolas Sarkozy's for his victory in the French presidential election. He is a visionary that we at Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness can be proud of. Nicolas Sarkozy is the son of a Hungarian immigrant to France and considering the xenophobia of the French, it is an incredible accomplishment that he is now the President Elect... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S PRESIDENTIAL PREVIEW: PART I
04/30/07 — A Look At Senator John McCain
The first candidate is one that I have had some serious disagreements with over the years, Senator John McCain from Arizona. One thing that I cannot deny about John McCain is his outstanding service of our nation. He was born to a family of military leaders (his father was an Admiral in the US Navy) and throughout his life he never shied away from his strong military background. He attended the Naval Academy and graduated in 1958.
Senator McCain was a pilot in the US Navy and went sent to Vietnam in 1966. He escaped death numerous times in a unit that was known for its daring and courage. He was shot down over North Vietnam and taken prisoner. He was moved to the "Hanoi Hilton" the infamous prison camp for captured American forces. He was interrogated daily and persevered through unspeakable torture without giving in. When Charlie found out that he was the son of the US Navy Commander in the theater, he was offered release. He refused that offer and the beatings would continue. Say what you will about McCain but what he did there was simply heroic. His bravery and sense of duty cannot be questioned. He was held as a POW for five and half years. When he returned he received a Silver Star, a Bronze Star, the Legion of Merit, a Purple Heart and a Distinguished Flying Cross... READ MORE |
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THE ROADMAP TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE II
04/15/07 — Part Two of Two
In my last installment, I formulated a diplomatic and political strategy that will solve, once and for all, the world's biggest problem...The Middle East. As all you right minded conservatives know, a plan without a series of actions is merely words. For decades now, we have heard about roadmaps, ceasefires and the like but nothing has changed. Why? Because the powers that be have been unwilling to take ACTION. Peace agreements without the threat of overwhelming force are merely public relations stunts. A perfect example of this were the Oslo Accords. We saw our President (Clinton) doing his thing, smiling and laughing it up with infamous terrorist, Yasser Arafat. That spineless piece of shit knew that nothing good would come of this so-called agreement but he took the opportunity to bask in the sun as a peacemaker and in the process transformed Mr. Terrorist Arafat into a Nobel Peace Price winner... READ MORE |
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300 MOVIE REVIEW
03/12/07 — The Good, The Bad, and the Manly
We don’t make it a habit of writing film reviews here on Arthur’s Hall. Most of our demographic doesn’t seem to care too much for what comes out of Hollywood, but to say that 300 is an exception to that rule would be a drastic understatement. The Arthur’s Hall Forums have been buzzing for months about this film.
The movie for the most part is stays very true to Frank Miller’s graphic novel about the Battle of Thermopylae. That is to say it is exceptionally, violent, misogynistic, militaristic, xenophobic, and it revels in the implied cultural superiority of ancient Greece and the West in general. In other words, it is the perfect movie for your average Arthur’s Hall reader. 300 is without a doubt one of the manliest films of the past few decades. Only time will tell if 300 will be canonized alongside films like Predator and Die Hard as one of the manliest films of all time, but one thing is for sure; Zach Snyder has directed a movie that deserves your support and hard earned money... READ MORE |
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THE ROAD MAP TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE
03/03/07 — Arthur Solves the Greatest Challenge of Our Time
This is my "Road Map to Middle East Peace". For most of the last fifty years the Middle East has been the powder-keg of the world. Most of the world's violence, warfare and bloodshed has taken place on some important sand in the land of goat herders. Why has nothing worked? The reason is simple, the solution is not. Simply put, the people of the Middle East do not want peace. The Muslim world only understands death, despair and treachery and negotiating with a people who have nothing to give other than false assurances of cease-fires is a losing strategy.... READ MORE |
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THE MANLINESS OF GLOBALIZATION
02/04/07 — The Manly Virtues of Globalization, by Bill Kephart
I wrote this to talk to you about this issue, as it has been pissing me off lately - protectionism, and economic nationalism have been enjoying a wide appeal of late. These two great scourges have come from many places and been propounded by voices on both the right and left (often for disturbingly similar reasons). It is distressing that some have decided to start digging around the tomb of mercantilism and are even making attempts to revive its modern day ancestor-protectionism...
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THE 10 MANLIEST FIREARMS
01/22/07 — A Guide to Manly Guns, by Crazy Einar
This was a hard piece to write, because guns by definition are manly,
except for Berettas, gold-plated TEC9s, .25 caliber pistols or anything
made by the French. To simplify things, I have limited it to modern
cartridge firearms a man might, can, and should collect and shoot. There
are certainly other manly weapons, and you may have a different list.
As long as the list contains nothing French, gold-plated, .25 or with
pearl grips (which Patton correctly observed are the mark of a New
Orleans pimp), it is a good list... READ MORE |
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GLOBAL WARMING: A CONSERVATIVE'S GUIDE
01/16/07 — Everything a Real Man Needs to Know!
This article is “Global Warming: A Conservative’s Guide”. This issue has sprung up on the Viking Forum so I thought that I should lay out this issue of global warming without all the liberal nonsense that is often spewed when this scientific fact is brought up. First of all, despite the clear evidence to the contrary some conservatives have chosen to bury their heads in the sand and pretend like the Earth is not warming up. The fact is that it is, and dramatically. Depending on how and who measures the temperature the Earth has warmed up 2-4 degrees F in the last 150 years. We do not have reliable measurements prior until the mid 1800s and this, of course, is used by denial experts who say that this could be natural and part of the Earth’s cycle... READ MORE |
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STATE OF THE HALL ADDRESS
01/07/07 — What Does the Future Hold for The Hall?
Welcome! It has been quite a year for Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness. What was a merely a vision and a pipe dream one year ago has become reality. One year ago today I stood here with around 40,000 hits per month and, at that time, I felt like The Hall was already an important place on the Internet. I stand here today to let you know that The Hall has grown by leaps and bounds in 2006. We have experienced 600% growth this year in the average number of visits per day...a feat I would not have dared to imagine. The Hall owes this growth to you; the regular readers, the members of the Viking Forum, the contributors and the moderators. Thank you for your continued support and I will continue to lean on you to spread the revolutionary ideas of this great Hall... READ MORE |
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THE TOP 10 WRESTLERS EVER
12/27/06 — A Manly List, for a Manly Sport!
This article is “The Top 10 Wrestlers Ever”. There is one caveat, I believe that professional wrestling became the sport that we know and love in the early 1980s so all the wrestlers will be post 1980. In order to create this list I had to come up with some diagnostic criteria which took some time. What makes a wrestler great? Is it athletic ability in the ring? Or perhaps it is charisma and microphone skills? Or is greatness determined by lasting impact on the sport and cultural influence? I decided that all three are equally important... READ MORE |
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A MANLY THANKSGIVING
11/22/06 — Thirty Manly Things We are Thankful For!
THappy Thanksgiving everyone! I want to apologize for my lengthy respite, I have been quite busy so I have not written an article recently. I am back. I know that you guys are incapable of existing without injections of manliness straight from the bastion of manliness...ME. This is a new format for me, this is what we (being right minded individuals) should be thankful for. This is not going to be some sappy, nonsensical article, this will give you an idea of why we ALL should be thankful. So here we go, this is going to be in list format. I am thankful... READ MORE |
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THE BEER PARADOX
10/13/06 — Join Arthur's Hall, and Take Back the Beer!
The “American-style” lager has been associated with the manly blue-collar worker for decades. It is by now conventional wisdom that a light crisp Budweiser or Miller beer is the beer of choice for men who enjoy manly hobbies such as rebuilding his 1970's Camaro, watching <em>Sports Center </em>, or shooting birds with his 12-Gauge. As modern manly men have shifted their drinking habits towards lighter lager beers, the more traditional style ales (home-brews, craft-brews, and micro-brews) have increasingly become the territory of big-city, snobby, LL Bean-wearing, Volvo-driving, Gen X intellectual types, with leather patches on their elbows and eyeliner on the brain... READ MORE |
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PROPER MANLY TOBACCO USE
10/07/06 — Fight Back Against the Anti-Tobacco Lobby!
My name is Dr. Harlan K. Upmann, and I'd like to talk to the readers of Arthur's Hall about tobacco. The primarily reason for using tobacco is to obtain a wonderful chemical called nicotine, which occurs naturally in tobacco leaves (Figure 1). Some of the many documented benefits of nicotine include improved reaction time, better short-term memory recall, and a reduced risk of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. The use of tobacco is also highly enjoyable, provides a nice pick-me-up during the day, and a pleasant way to unwind and relax at the end of the day (especially when paired with whiskey, the manliest of all beverages). Using tobacco is also a great way to meet and socialize with other like-minded tobacco users. There is a common brotherhood that binds tobacco users together, which provides pleasant social interaction.... READ MORE |
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THE OFFICIAL MAN PARTY
09/28/06 — Read Arthur's "Greatest Commission!"
For thousands of years, countless men have gathered together for a good time, usually around a television watching football or a perhaps a heavyweight fight. These parties are great, don't get me wrong. These parties tend to be either all men or 90% men. This may, by definition, seem like a “Man” party but it is not. The central theme of these get-togethers is the event that you are gathered together to watch. In other words, a Super Bowl party while manly as hell is after all, a Super Bowl party. The days of these gatherings being known as “Man” parties are coming to close. We have invented a new type of “Man” party, one that does not celebrate football, boxing, or whore-hunting… but manliness itself. A party solely devoted to one and only one thing... being a fucking man.... READ MORE |
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THE UCFJ
07/24/06 — The Universal Code of Female Justification
This article is named "Uniform Code of Female Justification". It is modeled, at least by name, on the Uniform Code of Military Justice or the UCMJ. This article is meant to give all Viking men a single and measurable standard on which to judge women. We all know guys who will say, "Hey, that chick is a seven", yet he is not that interested, and yet another one who says "Yuck, she is a four" and he takes her home. Why is this? Some would say that these discrepancies are due to alcohol, and in the past I might agree. But now I have designed a scale to judge all women on, regardless of the level of inebriation. First, though, I feel like I have to explain why this list is critical to mankind... READ MORE |
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UNHOLY ALLIANCE CONCERT REVIEW
07/17/06 — Arthur's take on Slayer, Mastodon, and Lamb of Shit
This is my review of the Unholy Alliance Tour stop in Seattle, WA. I will try to duplicate the atmosphere and talk a bit about the musical part of the concert, and throw in some amusing anecdotes from the concert. Myself, Shatner, and a couple of friends of ours got together before the show and threw back some drinks on a cruise ship. a nice pre-concert party if you ask me... READ MORE |
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BODYBUILDING 202
05/30/06 — Intermediate Course for the Average Soft-body"
Being an endomorph has terrific advantages, generally speaking you are above average in strength and you do look big. The tough part for you guys is the fact that guys who weigh fifty pounds less than you appear to look bigger because defined muscle looks bigger than soft, round muscle. Take heart men, here is the program that can help you shed some of that fat so that you can actually see the muscle that you are training... READ MORE |
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THE TEN GREATEST ALBUMS
05/25/06 — Turn down the 50 Cent and read this women!
This article is the "The Ten Greatest Albums". I am sure that there will be disagreement amongst my readers, and I will take no offense. I know that some of you will say, "Why are all the albums on here metal recordings?" Well, because metal is the only form of music worth discussing... READ MORE |
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THE REAL VIKINGS
05/06/06— The link between the Vikings, America, and Britain
The real Vikings are the English and the Norwegian Americans...not the modern pussified Norwegians
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BODYBUILDING 201
04/08/06 — Intermediate Course for the Average Pencil Neck
All right men... I know that after reading my landmark Bodybuilding 101 article you have been hitting the gym and doing your best to reach your masculine potential. I am proud of you. Now I would like to give some of my tried and true advice on how to make the time you spend at the gym worthwhile. This article is Bodybuilding 201: The Intermediate Course.... READ MORE |
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THE 10 MANLIEST VIDEO GAMES OF ALL TIME
03/14/06 — Turn off American Idol and play some Tecmo Bowl!
Most importantly, video games foster traditional male competitiveness. I would venture to say that if you can't be out on the battlefield or football field laying waste to your adversaries, playing games is a nice substitution. Video games, as they currently exist, are a competitive and largely male dominated pastime. And thus, they are indeed manly..... READ MORE |
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WANG DANG SWEET POONTANG
03/11/06 — The Ted Nugent Story
"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."
- Ted Nugent..... READ MORE |
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THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION
02/10/06 — Defenders of American's Most Important Right!
The bottom line is that a government will never fall into tyranny if they know damn well that the people could overthrow it with the use of force. Here in America, us gun owners GIVE the government permission to do what they see fit..... READ MORE |
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PERICLES' FUNERAL ORATION
01/07/06 — The Manliest Speech in History
To me, Pericles' funeral oration is the greatest (not to mention most manly) speech ever given. Everything we have now, and everything that Western culture has become, came out of a few short centuries of Greek struggles, innovation, and thought. Perhaps we should have as much reverence for the Athenian dead as those who were in attendance for the speech in 430 BC... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S YEAR IN REVIEW : 2005
01/03/06 — Arthur's Year-End Viking Blowout!
This is the first “Arthur's Year in Review: 2005”. In this article I will go through some of major news happenings and also the non-happenings that the media sold you unwitting clowns. I thought it would be interested to go through all of the Time Magazine covers and comment on all of issues raised by the mag... READ MORE |
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BODYBUILDING 101
12/27/05 — The Art and Science of Bodybuilding
I will clear up misconceptions, give you the basics of how to get involved and explain the basic principles so that if you choose (If you are any sort of man you should immediately start) you can change your body and finally look like a man instead of a soft pastry... READ MORE |
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THE MANLIEST DECADE IN HISTORY, Part III
11/26/05 — The 1980's Baby! Part 3: The Culture of the 1980s
These movies all had a central theme and that theme was "The toughest SOB wins and lives while the weak die a horrible and undignified death". That is a real Viking theme. The Vikings were great because they challenged anyone and everyone to fights and wars and because they were bigger, meaner, nastier, and tougher they won and to the winner go the spoils... READ MORE |
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THE MANLIEST DECADE IN HISTORY, Part II
11/07/05 — The 1980's Baby! Part 2: The Music of the 1980s
As I have told you, my readers before, heavy metal is the music of true men (Vikings). Heavy metal does not deal with relationships, women, emotions or even mundane day to day life. It is all about manly things such as death, anger, war and treachery... READ MORE |
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THE MANLIEST DECADE IN HISTORY
10/17/05 — The 1980's Baby! Part 1: The Politics of the 1980s
To fully grasp why the 1980s were so great one must understand the ineptitude of the 1970s and how the 1980s laid the groundwork for the conservative revolution that has dominated the last 25 years. Read on... READ MORE |
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FACIAL HAIR IS MANLY AS FUCK!
09/03/05 — Put down your latte and Chomsky and grow a beard pussies!
Presidents like James Garfield, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, Martin Van Buren, and William Taft sported supremely manly facial hair that served as a beacon of hope and freedom for the rest of the world. Particularly to those who just weren’t manly enough to grow a beard. With this proud history of American manliness, one wonders how we arrived where we are today... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S MANIFESTO
08/05/05 — Arthur's Manifesto is exactly what it says it is stupid!
This article is named "Arthur's Manifesto". This article will detail where I stand on most major issues within the political arena. This should put my articles into context and erase any question in my reader's minds on where I stand. I know that many of you think I am some sort of whipping boy for the GOP and this should give you some insight into my independent thinking and superior intellect... READ MORE |
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MECHANICS NEED JOBS TOO, BUY AMERICAN
07/29/05 — A insightful and probing look at the American auto industry
First of all, I will have you know that although I am a gun-toting, chewing, and generally conservative American, I steadfastly refuse to drive an American car. This article will tell you why. The first thing that you must know about American cars is that they are just plain shitty cars. They are undependable, cheesy and shoddily manufactured... READ MORE |
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FRANCE: WORST COUNTRY EVER!
06/20/05 — Arthurshall.com tears France a new, even bigger asshole!
To say France is blameless in the UN's complete loss of credibility would be a joke. They are half of the problem. How did a country full of cheese eating socialist sissies with no military to speak of become a threat to world peace? Amazing!... READ MORE |
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TANOREXIA - THE NEW FEMALE EPIDEMIC
05/16/05 — What can we do to rid the world of these disgusting bird-women?
"Why do these crazy bitches wear sweatshirts in the summer?” I will tell you. Their metabolisms have been destroyed by years of not eating and just like your pet parakeet that you had when you were younger, they have no resistance to the outside world. Their avian-like metabolic rates cause them not to be hungry and so they do not eat and the cycle only worsens... READ MORE |
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BAN SOCIAL SECURITY
05/04/05 — An insightful essay on the communist scam called "Social Security"
They told everyone "Hey give us part of your income and if you are lucky enough to live to 60 (at the time, by no means a given) we will give a measly check every month"!!! Wow, what a fucked-up, cynical system!... READ MORE |
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WOMEN WHO SMOKE ARE WHORES!
04/16/05 — Why women who smoke are dirty rotten filthy stinking whores
While the title "Women Who Smoke are Whores" might seem like reckless generality. Oh wait, it is a reckless generality, but it's also an indisputable Viking fact! .... READ MORE |
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VIKING ASSET ALLOCATION
04/04/05 — How to avoid working at Wal-Mart when you are old!
Asset allocation is the most important choice that an investor makes when building a portfolio. This article will teach you how to do it properly so that when you "retire" you are not forced to be a greeter at Wal-Mart. I will tell you this first; although I am a Viking madman, I do have a degree in Finance from a respected business school..... READ MORE |
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SPREADING THE GOSPEL OF CHEW
04/03/05 — How chew is the answer to the next Republican revolution.
My plan is to start placing fresh cans of chew in junior high schools so that boys can start chewing and unleashing their manliness. By doing this, men will stop worrying about what clothes they wear and how their hair looks, instead they will be worried about where their spitter is and they will spontaneously start to lift weights and voting for Republican candidates.... READ MORE |
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WHY METAL IS KING
04/01/05 — Hey stupid, read this!
The headline of this column is "Why metal is King", and after reading this article I am sure that you will agree. If you don't then take your mouse click your address bar and type in MoveOn.org, listen to Green Day, go fuck yourself, and then do the world a favor and kill yourself... READ MORE |
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While this page consists of many of Arthur's most popular articles, a more complete archive of Arthur's Viking prose can be found in the VIKING ARCHIVE
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