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ARTHUR'S VIKING ARCHIVE
THE TOP 10 WRESTLERS EVER
12/27/06 — A Manly List, for a Manly Sport!
This article is “The Top 10 Wrestlers Ever”. There is one caveat, I believe that professional wrestling became the sport that we know and love in the early 1980s so all the wrestlers will be post 1980. In order to create this list I had to come up with some diagnostic criteria which took some time. What makes a wrestler great? Is it athletic ability in the ring? Or perhaps it is charisma and microphone skills? Or is greatness determined by lasting impact on the sport and cultural influence? I decided that all three are equally important... READ MORE |
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A MANLY THANKSGIVING
11/22/06 — Thirty Manly Things We are Thankful For!
THappy Thanksgiving everyone! I want to apologize for my lengthy respite, I have been quite busy so I have not written an article recently. I am back. I know that you guys are incapable of existing without injections of manliness straight from the bastion of manliness...ME. This is a new format for me, this is what we (being right minded individuals) should be thankful for. This is not going to be some sappy, nonsensical article, this will give you an idea of why we ALL should be thankful. So here we go, this is going to be in list format. I am thankful... READ MORE |
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THE BEER PARADOX
10/13/06 — Join Arthur's Hall, and Take Back the Beer!
The “American-style” lager has been associated with the manly blue-collar worker for decades. It is by now conventional wisdom that a light crisp Budweiser or Miller beer is the beer of choice for men who enjoy manly hobbies such as rebuilding his 1970's Camaro, watching <em>Sports Center </em>, or shooting birds with his 12-Gauge. As modern manly men have shifted their drinking habits towards lighter lager beers, the more traditional style ales (home-brews, craft-brews, and micro-brews) have increasingly become the territory of big-city, snobby, LL Bean-wearing, Volvo-driving, Gen X intellectual types, with leather patches on their elbows and eyeliner on the brain... READ MORE |
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PROPER MANLY TOBACCO USE
10/07/06 — Fight Back Against the Anti-Tobacco Lobby!
My name is Dr. Harlan K. Upmann, and I'd like to talk to the readers of Arthur's Hall about tobacco. The primarily reason for using tobacco is to obtain a wonderful chemical called nicotine, which occurs naturally in tobacco leaves (Figure 1). Some of the many documented benefits of nicotine include improved reaction time, better short-term memory recall, and a reduced risk of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. The use of tobacco is also highly enjoyable, provides a nice pick-me-up during the day, and a pleasant way to unwind and relax at the end of the day (especially when paired with whiskey, the manliest of all beverages). Using tobacco is also a great way to meet and socialize with other like-minded tobacco users. There is a common brotherhood that binds tobacco users together, which provides pleasant social interaction.... READ MORE |
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THE OFFICIAL MAN PARTY
09/28/06 — Read Arthur's "Greatest Commission!"
For thousands of years, countless men have gathered together for a good time, usually around a television watching football or a perhaps a heavyweight fight. These parties are great, don't get me wrong. These parties tend to be either all men or 90% men. This may, by definition, seem like a “Man” party but it is not. The central theme of these get-togethers is the event that you are gathered together to watch. In other words, a Super Bowl party while manly as hell is after all, a Super Bowl party. The days of these gatherings being known as “Man” parties are coming to close. We have invented a new type of “Man” party, one that does not celebrate football, boxing, or whore-hunting… but manliness itself. A party solely devoted to one and only one thing... being a fucking man.... READ MORE |
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THE TOP 10 WRESTLERS EVER
09/18/06 — A Manly List, for a Manly Sport!
This article is “The Top 10 Wrestlers Ever”. There is one caveat, I believe that professional wrestling became the sport that we know and love in the early 1980s so all the wrestlers will be post 1980. In order to create this list I had to come up with some diagnostic criteria which took some time. What makes a wrestler great? Is it athletic ability in the ring? Or perhaps it is charisma and microphone skills? Or is greatness determined by lasting impact on the sport and cultural influence? I decided that all three are equally important... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S HALL: NFC PREVIEW
09/17/06 — Part Two of Arthur's NFL Preview
SEATTLE 13-3: Offense - The most balanced unit in the NFL. They run the ball better than anyone besides Denver and Atlanta and throw better than anyone but Indianapolis. Led by future Hall of Famers Walter Jones and Shaun Alexander and the premier QB in the NFC, Matt Hasselbeck, they led the NFL in scoring last year and will be right there again this year. Matt Hasselbeck is my pick for NFL MVP this year succeeding teammate Alexander as MVP of the league. The only question mark is at wide receiver but at press time the team was in negotiation for Deion Branch. If they get him, that question mark will become a strength and no team will have four WR' s that are better. All of the key players are in their prime and have played together for five years now. Can be bothered by physical 3-4 teams such as Washington and Dallas. A standard defense has no chance. They will have a sizable target on their backs as the clear favorite to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl once again, but they will get it done.
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ARTHUR'S HALL: AFC PREVIEW
09/12/06 — A Viking Preview for America's Real Pastime
That's right men, it is time for the only sport that truly matters..The National Football League. I know some of you like baseball, basketball or maybe hockey but in comparison those sports are irrelevant. In this article I am going to give you the truth about each and every team. What I will not do is beat around the bush, if the team or player sucks, I will say that. So instead of wasting time with a long intro, here we go.... READ MORE |
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EHUD OLMERT DELIVERS MANLY SPEECH
08/04/06 — Put "Queer Eye" On Mute and Read This Girls!
TI would like to extend my unquestioned support for Israel's fight against the murderous Islamofascist gangs, Hamas and Hezbollah. I truly hope that Iran and Syria choose to jump in this battle because my new favorite leader, Ehud Olmert of Israel understands what's at stake. This is not a political battle for prestige and influence. The struggle between the civilzed world and Islam is only at the beginning stages and I am glad that someone other than W understands this. My friends, this is World War III. It will not be fought across trenches, it will not be fought with battlefield heroism, it will be fought by treachery and courage. That's right, we must become more treacherous to defeat our enemies. Right now there are nearly 100 million fundamentalist Muslims, including the leaders of Iran, that want YOU AND I dead. Be inspired by the following words from Ehud Olmert as he defends himself against the appeasers and cowards of Europe... READ MORE |
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THE UCFJ
07/24/06 — The Universal Code of Female Justification
This article is named “Uniform Code of Female Justification”. It is modeled, at least by name, on the Uniform Code of Military Justice or the UCMJ. This article is meant to give all Viking men a single and measurable standard on which to judge women. We all know guys who will say, “Hey, that chick is a seven”, yet he is not that interested, and yet another one who says “Yuck, she is a four” and he takes her home. Why is this? Some would say that these discrepancies are due to alcohol, and in the past I might agree. But now I have designed a scale to judge all women on, regardless of the level of inebriation. First, though, I feel like I have to explain why this list is critical to mankind... READ MORE |
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UNHOLY ALLIANCE CONCERT REVIEW
07/17/06 — Arthur's take on Slayer, Mastodon, and Lamb of Shit
This is my review of the Unholy Alliance Tour stop in Seattle, WA. I will try to duplicate the atmosphere and talk a bit about the musical part of the concert, and throw in some amusing anecdotes from the concert. Myself, Shatner, and a couple of friends of ours got together before the show and threw back some drinks on a cruise ship… a nice pre-concert party if you ask me... READ MORE |
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BODYBUILDING 202
05/30/06 — Intermediate Course for the Average Soft-body”
Being an endomorph has terrific advantages, generally speaking you are above average in strength and you do look big. The tough part for you guys is the fact that guys who weigh fifty pounds less than you appear to look bigger because defined muscle looks bigger than soft, round muscle. Take heart men, here is the program that can help you shed some of that fat so that you can actually see the muscle that you are training... READ MORE |
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THE TEN GREATEST ALBUMS
05/25/06 — Turn down the 50 Cent and read this women!
This article is the “The Ten Greatest Albums”. I am sure that there will be disagreement amongst my readers, and I will take no offense. I know that some of you will say, “Why are all the albums on here metal recordings?” Well, because metal is the only form of music worth discussing... READ MORE |
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THE REAL VIKINGS
05/06/06— The link between the Vikings, America, and Britain
The real Vikings are the English and the Norwegian Americans...not the modern pussified Norwegians
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VIKING NEWS FLASH
04/14/06 — A Different Sort of Protest
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - Hundreds of irate libertarians and fiscal conservatives took to the streets Saturday demanding expanded financial freedoms and sensible tax reform... READ MORE |
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BODYBUILDING 201
04/08/06 — Intermediate Course for the Average Pencil Neck
All right men... I know that after reading my landmark Bodybuilding 101 article you have been hitting the gym and doing your best to reach your masculine potential. I am proud of you. Now I would like to give some of my tried and true advice on how to make the time you spend at the gym worthwhile. This article is Bodybuilding 201: The Intermediate Course.... READ MORE |
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THE 10 MANLIEST VIDEO GAMES OF ALL TIME
03/14/06 — Turn off American Idol and play some Tecmo Bowl!
Most importantly, video games foster traditional male competitiveness. I would venture to say that if you can't be out on the battlefield or football field laying waste to your adversaries, playing games is a nice substitution. Video games, as they currently exist, are a competitive and largely male dominated pastime. And thus, they are indeed manly..... READ MORE |
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WANG DANG SWEET POONTANG
03/11/06 — The Ted Nugent Story
"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."
- Ted Nugent..... READ MORE |
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THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION
02/10/06 — Defenders of American's Most Important Right!
The bottom line is that a government will never fall into tyranny if they know damn well that the people could overthrow it with the use of force. Here in America, us gun owners GIVE the government permission to do what they see fit..... READ MORE |
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VIKING SUPER BOWL PREVIEW
02/02/06 — Turn off the emo cd and read about fooball pussy!
That's right folks, another Seahawk Super Bowl article. This article will give you a football geeks outlook on why the Seattle Seahawks will be Super Bowl XL Champions. I know, I am just a overzealous Seahawk fan but after reading this you would have a hard time disagreeing with my judgment.... READ MORE |
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FINALLY!!!
01/23/06 — The Seattle Seahawks 2006 NFC Champions
The title says it all. Finally!! The Seahawks are headed to Super Bowl 40 as the NFC Champions. I was at Qwest Field, the greatest stadium in the NFL to witness the domination that was the NFC Championship Game. This article is not a recap of the game, you can read those anywhere. This article will tell you what it was like to be there and experience it... READ MORE |
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PERICLES' FUNERAL ORATION
01/07/06 — The Manliest Speech in History
To me, Pericles' funeral oration is the greatest (not to mention most manly) speech ever given. Everything we have now, and everything that Western culture has become, came out of a few short centuries of Greek struggles, innovation, and thought. Perhaps we should have as much reverence for the Athenian dead as those who were in attendance for the speech in 430 BC... READ MORE |
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ARTHUR'S YEAR IN REVIEW : 2005
01/03/06 — Arthur's Year-End Viking Blowout!
This is the first “Arthur's Year in Review: 2005”. In this article I will go through some of major news happenings and also the non-happenings that the media sold you unwitting clowns. I thought it would be interested to go through all of the Time Magazine covers and comment on all of issues raised by the mag... READ MORE |
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